2020: A Year in Reflection
2020 started off great for many of us, we saw so much possibility ahead but then we experienced a quick, sharp turn to much of our surprise. I’d be lying to you if I said the year was all bad. Personally, I made a choice at the beginning of the pandemic. I told myself I would make something happen that I never had the chance to, simply with the gift of time that the year offered me. Making that promise grounded me because trust, there were many unexpected challenges that came my way. Each time those challenges came, I was reminded to keep that promise I had made to myself. Even though I was focused in a way, I still experienced pain, loss, fear, and a whirlwind of other emotions.
One of the greatest blessings was starting therapy again and actually finding a phenomenal therapist. Being able to process my thoughts with a professional, brought me so much clarity and I don’t know if I would have made it through the year the way I did without therapy.
A few pearls of wisdom I gained in 2020:
Let go. When it is time to say goodbye, don’t say it twice and make yourself suffer. Let go when you know in your heart it is time to let go; of people, things, places, all of it. When we gain insight that it’s time, it is for a reason. Try not to get caught up in the web of why, trust that things are working for you, not against you. When the dust settles you will see why it was time to let go. Letting go of what isn’t for you makes room for all that is!
Be present. This seems so obvious, we hear it all the time. It gained a far deeper meaning for me in 2020. I found myself wishing things were different a lot of the time, wishing I could be somewhere I couldn’t be, do something I wasn’t able to because of all the shutdowns. All of that wishing was robbing me of my present joy. I realized I cannot experience true joy if I am not fully connected to the present moment. Even though I’m physically in a room, if my mind is elsewhere, I’m not in the present moment. One of the greatest gifts 2020 offered was eliminating distractions. With so much shut down, I found myself forced to be in the moment. The connection to one’s joy is felt deep in the soul when we are fully present, fully feeling, and fully alive. I feel blessed to have had many of those moments and to continue the practice of being present.
Stand in truth. With so much debate throughout the year over the elections, race, the pandemic, there were many times I felt depleted. Asking myself, “why am I explaining this? Why do I have to break down what is so obvious, to folks?” Looking for ways to create safety and vulnerability to have healthy complex conversations with people you care about and value but don’t see eye to eye on something(s). So you make the time, you have patience, extend compassion because there is a level of mutual respect for one another. Respect is key in being able to approach tough conversations. As is leading with curiosity rather than criticism.
Boundaries. This was a big one. This was the first year I finally got comfortable setting boundaries. “Boundaries are not a wall or a moat around your heart. They are the path to self-respect. Boundaries are saying that I choose self-love and self-respect over what you think of me or the possibility of disappointing you” (-Brene Brown) I have to let go of the fear of what others will think if I stand up for myself and what I value.
I was great at making excuses for why people do what they do. Last year, I had to put that to rest. Acknowledging a person’s behavior and saying, “no not with me,” brought a lot of peace into my life. I used to just tolerating things, but a lot of the time when we tolerate, what we are really doing is enabling bad behavior. To be clear, setting a boundary doesn’t mean changing a person as much as it means staying true to your values. Boundaries are more about knowing what you (emphasis on you) can and cannot tolerate. It lets people know where we stand and they learn not to engage in certain behaviors when it comes to you. Protect your peace.
Preferences. A lot of what I thought I enjoyed was put to the test in 2020. I learned the difference between what I actually prefer versus what I think I like. I thought if I often find myself engaging with people or having conversations, that must mean I prefer to be in social settings. But I’m quite the opposite. I actually love my solitude. Learning what you prefer takes some evaluating of past habits/behaviors. Doing things because “that’s what you do” has more to do with autopilot than preference. Most things are by choice, consciously or not. Either you prefer it or you don’t.
Living uncomfortably. So many things took place in 2020 that brought an invitation to learn and become better informed. With the many deaths due to police brutality, I felt an inner conviction to read and become more educated on the situation. There were many moments I didn’t feel I had the right words or wasn’t "qualified” to talk about these issues. But what I learned is when you speak from the heart space, and try your best to articulate your truth, that is enough. Using wisdom and being intentional with my words is something. Something is more than nothing and choosing to say nothing in times of injustice can contribute to the problems. There will be times in life where standing in your silence is the solution but when we are visually watching people be treated inhumanely, we must NOT keep quiet.
Lastly, the small things. Picnics in the grass, random pop up at a park and enjoy some delicious take-out, reading outside, journaling, and more journaling. Tea dates with mom. The slow life. More small meaningful things. Personalized gifts created with love and intention. Random acts of kindness. Intentional conversations. Getting back to what truly matters most, time, the people you love, being in good health, joy, and peace of mind.
What are some wisdom you gained in 2020?